Travel and tourist jokes
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Steve is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells his doctor that
he's worried about getting real seasick. The doctor tells him,
"Just eat two pounds of stewed tomatoes before you leave the dock."
Steve says, "Will that keep me from getting sick?"
The doctor says, "No, but it'll look real pretty in the water."
An American touring Spain stopped at a local restaurant following a day
of sightseeing. While sipping his sangria, he noticed a sizzling,
scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did
it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that
you just served?"
The waiter replied, " Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bulls
testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!"
The American, though momentarily daunted, said, "What the hell, I'm on
vacation! Bring me an order!"
The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per
day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early
tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy!"
The next morning, the American returned, placed his order, and then that
evening he was served the one and only special delicacy of the day.
After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called
to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much
smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!"
The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si senor. Sometimes the
bull wins."
A Jewish couple, are sitting together on an airplane flying to the
Far East. Over the public address system, the Captain announces:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our
engines have ceased functioning, and this plane will be going down
momentarily. Luckily, I see an island below us that should be able to
accommodate our landing. This island appears to be uncharted; I am
unable to find it on our maps. So the odds are that we will never be
rescued and will have to live on the island for a very long time, if not
for the rest of our lives. A few minutes later the plane lands safely on
the island, whereupon Morris turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did
we pay our pledge to the Yeshiva yet?" No Morris!" she responded.
Morris smiles, then asks, "Esther, did we pay our UJA pledge?"
"Oy no, I forgot to send the check!!" Now Morris laughs.
"One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send our Temple
Building Fund check this month?" "Oy Morris I forgot that one too!"
Now Morris is practically choking with laughter. Esther asks Morris,
"So what are you smiling and laughing about?
Morris responds, "They'll find us."
An American tourist is visiting China. After visiting all the tourist
attractions he decides to inquire about the people and askes his guide:
"How large is the population here?"
"Around 1.5 billion" -- the guide answers
American, After a short pause: "So, what else do you do here?"
What people travel the most?
Romans.
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