Travel and tourist jokes

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A not so rich couple decided to stay at a very exclusive hotel for a night. The manager immediately recognized them for what they are but could not throw them out, instead he decided to be clever. In the morning the couple came to settle the bill and were surprized to find they owe $3000.

"How's this? We've only been here one night!" the man was annoyed.
"So?", said the manager, "this is a very expensive hotel. We have golf courts, tennis courts, swimming pools, exercise rooms, bars and restaurants, all this is very expensive to keep up."
"But we didn't use any of these!" explained the couple.
"If you didn't use - that's your problem," came the reply.

"In that case, you owe me $2000. You see, my wife is a call girl who charges $5000 a night, so please settle your bill," said the man.
"What do you mean?" the manager was taken off guard, "I didn't sleep with your wife!"
"If you didn't use - that's your problem!"

Rating: 3.6 |

"And will there be anything else, sir?" the bellboy asked after setting out an elaborate dinner for two.
"No thank you," the gentleman replied. "That will be all."

As the young man turned to leave, he noticed a beautiful satin negligee on the bed. "Anything for your wife ?" he asked.
"Yeah! That's a good idea," the fellow said. "Please bring up a postcard."

Rating: 3.0 |

A traveler became lost in the Sahara desert. Realizing his only chance for survival was to find civilization, he began walking. Time passed, and he became thirsty. More time passed, and he began feeling faint. He was on the verge of passing out when he spied a tent about 500 meters in front of him. Barely conscious, he reached the tent and called out, "Water...".

A bedouin appeared in the tent door and replied sympathetically, "I am sorry, sir, but I have no water. However, would you like to buy a tie?" With this, he brandished a collection of exquisite silken neckwear.

"You fool," gasped the man. "I'm dying! I need water!"
"Well, sir," replied the bedouin, "If you really need water, there is a tent about two kilometers south of here where you can get some."

Without knowing how, the man summoned sufficient strength to drag his parched body the distance to the second tent. With his last ounce of strength he tugged at the door of the tent and collapsed.

Another bedouin, dressed in a costly tuxedo, appeared at the door and enquired, "May I help you sir?"
"Water..." was the feeble reply.
"Oh, sir," replied the bedouin, "I'm sorry, but you can't come in here without a tie!"

Rating: 3.6 |

Three New Zealanders and three Aussies are travelling by train to a cricket match at the World Cup in England.

At the station, the three Aussies each buy a ticket and watch as the three New Zealanders buy just one ticket between them. "How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks one of the Aussies. "Watch and learn," answers one of the New Zealanders.

They all board the train. The Aussies take their respective seats but all three New Zealanders cram into a toilet and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket please."

The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The Aussies see this and agree it was quite a clever idea. So after the game, they decide to copy the New Zealanders on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that).

When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the New Zealanders don't buy a ticket at all!!

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed Aussie.

"Watch and learn," answers a New Zealander. When they board the train the three Aussies cram into a toilet and soon after the three New Zealanders cram into another nearby. The train departs.

Shortly afterwards, one of the New Zealanders leaves the toilet and walks over to the toilet where the Aussies are hiding.

He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket please."

Rating: 3.4 |

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience
would be
different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same
tricks over and over
again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows
each week and
began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he
understood he started
shouting in the middle of the show: "Look, it's not the same hat"
"Look, he is hiding the
flowers under the table" "Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades
?" The magician
was furious but couldn't do anything; it was, after all, the captain's
parrot.
One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself
on a piece of wood
in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course. They stared at
each other with hate,
but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and another and
another.
After a week the parrot said: "OK, I give up. Where's the boat?"

Rating: 3.8 |

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